Josée in Ottawa

I, For One, Cannot Have It All

1 Comment

Ok, so I may be a little late to this party. But it’s finally starting to dawn on me that maybe, just maybe, I can’t have it all.

What I want right now and what I would have to do to get it:

I want to be the best mom ever, to never scream at my kids, to take them on terrific weekends away, and to have home-made cookies waiting for them every day after school/daycare. In order to accomplish this, I would have to at least cut back at work, get us into massive debt, and put on twenty pounds.

I want to be a wonderful wife to my terrific husband at all times. In order to do this I would have to stop complaining to him about my work, stop reading random stuff on the internet (at night :), if you know what I mean), learn how to cook (thank God he likes to cook/is good at cooking or we would have all starved by now, or at least be in massive debt and all be overweight due to take-out). In order to be a wonderful wife I would have to quit my job, put us in debt, say goodbye to the internet and try and learn to cook. (I’m not convinced that last one is even possible.) Oh, and Hubby would add that I have to learn to put my empty soft drink cans in the recycling bin instead of “leaving them all over”. I would counter that in order for me to be a wonderful wife he would also have to learn to put the empty milk bags in the garbage, instead of leaving them all over. ‘Cause you know that a wife who is stewing about empty milk bags is not a wonderful wife.

I want to love my job and I want to get the promotion that is soon to be offered at work. In order to accomplish this I would have to study non-stop for the next three months and get the promotion, leaving no time for cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids, or not surfing the internet at night (wink wink).

I want my business to take off and make me lots of money so that I can take those weekends away with my family, and so that I can pay someone else to clean my house (see below) and cook for us (see above). In order for this to have a chance at happening, I would have to spend half my time networking and be very lucky. I could not bake cookies every day, or cook at all for that matter. I would have to quit my job, putting us into debt. I probably wouldn’t take the time to exercise.

I want to lose twenty pounds. In order to accomplish this I would have to exercise and track what I eat. I could possibly combine exercising and playing with the kids. And not surfing the internet at night is exercise, right? So I’d just have to give up on studying for the promotion. And the cookies.

I want my house to be clean most of the time. I clean the whole house in one shot once a week (or thereabouts) so that for a glorious five minutes the whole thing is clean. It doesn’t last, of course. But it stresses me out when it’s a mess – I really like things tidy. In order to keep the house as clean as I want I would definitely have to give up some exercise time and some play time with the kids.

Can you see how no matter how I work it, it won’t work? There is just no way for me to have it all. But somehow I still have hope. I still dream the impossible dream. Some weeks, I’m a great mom and wife, but my eating habits are terrible and I don’t study at all. Other weeks I eat really well but neglect my business. Sometime I’ll study all week and manage to get in a run or two but the kids are neglected and the house is a mess. I am not making any progress in any of these areas; it’s one step forward and two steps back. I know that I should concentrate one one area at a time, but I just cannot let go of the others… I can’t have it all, yet I can’t seem to stop trying.

One thought on “I, For One, Cannot Have It All

  1. Man, this is like the story of my own life. It’s just so much, isn’t it? So much wanting and so little time and energy. I once read a great blog post by woman planning her wedding, and she talked about how time, money, and stress are a triangle – she could save her self stress and time by putting in more money; or she could save herself money by putting in more time and stress; or she could save herself stress by putting in money and time. But you have to pick which one you want to invest, and which one is worth minimizing…and it’s awfully hard to minimize all three at once.

    I’m working on it, though :). The dream is alive!

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